Entertainment / News

Merry Christmas everyone and here’s Santa playing flaming bagpipes on a unicycle

Only in Portland. This could truly only happen in Portland people. I mean don’t get me wrong I respect the hell out of this guy just looking to spread some holiday cheer by blasting the only classical song worth listening to while simultaneously riding a unicycle (a mode of transportation that still makes absolutely no sense to me and in my personal opinion defies all I know about physics). I just saw the santa on a unicycle and was intrigued enough to click on it. This video had me aghast. That is until I continued to read the title of the youtube video only to see this guy known as the “unipiper” does this in Portland. It is then that the absolute sheer hipster-ness of this video absolutely shined. I mean come on. There’s three major reasons this video screams “Portland Hipster nonsense”!

1. The bagpipes. I mean who learns to play the bagpipes now a days. I’ll tell ya. It’s either policeman who are commissioned by the city in order to perform at other cop funerals. Or someone that is learning to do so ironically. With the latter definitely pointing to the entire lifestyle of all things hipster. Also only a hipster would say…
“you know what my bagpipes are missing? Flames spewing from them in order to be a physical manifestation of the absolute fire flame music I will be playing on them”

2. The unicycle. I’m pretty sure unicycles have to be the third most common form of transportation throughout Portland. Surpassed only by those old ass bicycles that have a front wheel 10 times bigger than the last and hot air balloons. Because, hey if Portlandians (that’s how you’d say that right?) don’t take an archaic mode of transportation in order to get to their destinations, Did they even arrive at their destinations?


3. Lastly the kilt. You can say the kilt is directly connected to the bagpipes but I’m pretty sure the kilt may just be a common form of clothing throughout Portland. So I’m not too sure they go hand in hand for this guy. After all, kilts were pants before pants were pants right? And nowadays pants are just far too mainstream.

This guy has got to be a local hero right? I mean he not only does this as Santa but I also found this on our friend the Unipiper.


This is the single most portland photo I’ve ever seen. You gotta respect the shit out of Portland’s self awareness though. When your cities official motto is to “Keep Portland weird” you do two things. Express your total acceptance of the entire nations thoughts on your city and draw more and more weirdos to your city. Who knows? If “Keep Portland Weird” can keep its traction it may not be too long that they secede from the union and lay waste to the northwest with an army of Unipipers.

2 thoughts on “Merry Christmas everyone and here’s Santa playing flaming bagpipes on a unicycle

  1. It’s not Portland’s official motto, it’s a stupid bumper sticker that the guy from Music Millennium still from the city of Austin Texas. Try getting to know the rest of Portland and not just the stereotypes you see on Portlandia. The Hipster stereotype is a very small population in a diverse community of people who come from all walks of life, and it’s getting pretty tired to hear people take a couple of pictures of unique personalities and then stereotype the entire city of over a million people. There’s all kinds of interesting people in New York and other cities as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Not trying to piss anyone off, if you can’t tell that everything i’m postin here is a joke that’s on you. But hey everyone thinks my state is full of people from Pawnee, Indiana. So I’m just gonna sit here eating my Paunch burger, wash it down with a 120oz. soda, and let people think what they wanna think. Not gonna lose any sleep over it. But thanks for the comment.


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