College Football

Michigan is on a recruiting tear!

Just within the past week Michigan has locked up some game changing recruits. Right now the Wolverines find themselves with the 4th ranked recruiting class, locking up commitments from 3 four star recruits and one 5 star recruit. Give him a peep.

While this early haul is promising, this doesn’t mean shit compared to Ohio State’s and Alabama’s recruiting classes, with 6 and 4 five star recruits respectively. That’s disgusting. What the hell do these kids see that I don’t?!?! Sure Ohio State’s had a solid decade of football, sure Alabama’s been the big swinging nuts of College Football for the recent umpteen seasons. But come on you know what the hell Michigan’s got that neither of these schools do. That’s JIMMY FUCKING FOOTBALL!!


My Man!!! I mean come on what recruit wouldn’t want to play for the unstoppable force of testosterone and football that is Jim Harbaugh?! Urban couldn’t lock up a game changing Jordan Sponsorship. He’s so god damn mean he stiff armed His Airness himself into getting into the oversized khaki’s game. Jordan hasn’t even got his little Taiwanese seamstresses to hem him up a pair of oversized, ill fitting, and unflattering jeans.


What has Urban Meyer done lately? What has Saban done for Bama lately?! Huh? Oh you say a couple national championships and a bid at yet another one this year? Well I raise you this.


Game. Set. Match. Get the hell out of here with your conventional recruiting. Jimmy’s here to take everything you know bout the game and flip it upside down, throw it out the window, and bang it’s wife! He’s on a tear and I’ll be damned if Jimmy Football isn’t the Moses of Michigan Football, take me out of these dark days and show me the way, for I am nothing but a faithful follower. For it is written, “I don’t take vacations. I don’t get sick. I don’t observe major holidays. I’m a JACK HAMMER!” – Jimmy 3:16

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